- 9th
- December
- 2010
Welcome To The PGA Tour: A Rookie’s Guide To Life As A Pro Golfer, With Tim Finchem
Dear generic rookie,
Congratulations on making the PGA Tour! I’m the commissioner, by the way. I want your life to be as comfortable and as stress-free as possible, which is why I’ve put together a list of dos and don’ts as you embark on an exciting first year as a pro. Please follow these guidelines. Or else…
Do: Mix with fellow Tour players at various types of social gathering venues.
Don’t: Even think about doing the above if those players’ names happen to be Tiger Woods, Anthony Kim or John Daly, and said venues include strip clubs, Las Vegas Casinos or brothels.
Do: Look forward to being mentioned in the commentary booth by your favourite broadcasters, including Nick Faldo and Jonny Miller.
Don’t: Expect them to have anything nice to say about you or your game.
Do: Be prepared to conduct meaningless, dull, long-winded interviews and press conferences with the media.
Don’t: Say anything interesting, humurous or witty that’s likely to cause offence or change the perception of golfers as boring human beings.
Do: Feel free to spend any winnings or sponsorship money on luxurious cars.
Don’t: Drive these cars into fire hydrants on Thanksgiving.
Kind regards. Your boss, I mean, good friend,
Tim Finchem.
